In an eye-opening article, youth psychologist Elizabeth McKane exposes a heartbreaking and often overlooked issue that deeply affects many families: the damaging dynamic between single mothers and their sons. This issue, while rarely spoken about, plays a significant role in the development of toxic masculinity—and its far-reaching consequences are now impossible to ignore.
McKane, who has worked as a family therapist for decades, explains how many young men, especially those without active father figures, are being influenced by a destructive cycle of generational trauma. Absent fathers, often the result of abusive relationships or dysfunction in the family unit, leave a void that is rarely addressed, and this void can lead to profound emotional and behavioral problems in sons.
Drawing from her experiences with numerous clients, McKane describes the repeated patterns she’s seen with mothers and sons. These are mothers who have often endured sexual abuse or trauma in their youth, usually from a male family member, and who are unable to break the cycle of unhealthy relationships with men. As a result, they often choose abusive partners or fathers for their children—men who ultimately abandon the family.
Despite their abandonment, these mothers pour unconditional love into their sons, wanting to break the cycle. However, the sons, who grow up in this broken dynamic, are inevitably left confused. They receive affection from their mothers but are also reminded, perhaps unconsciously, of the abusive men they’ve been exposed to. This dual relationship—one of love and rejection—leads to deep confusion for these boys. They start seeking validation elsewhere, often through drugs, gangs, or other destructive behaviors. With no strong male figure to provide discipline or boundaries, many sons seek control in more harmful ways.
What’s deeply troubling is that for some, sexual domination becomes a form of asserting control, a way to indirectly exercise power over their mothers. McKane explains that this often manifests as excessive masculinity—a way of compensating for the absence of a proper father figure who could model healthy masculinity. It’s a deeply troubling form of behavior that has the potential to lead these young men down dark paths.
But the issue doesn’t stop there. McKane connects these patterns to the rise of the manosphere, a toxic subculture of online communities led by figures like Andrew Tate and Harrison Sullivan, where misogyny, domination, and control are glorified. These young men, many of whom have come from broken homes or abusive backgrounds, find a twisted sense of identity in these online groups. McKane makes the painful observation that behind nearly every young man drawn to the manosphere, there is a history of absent fathers and generational abuse.
The rise of figures like Andrew Tate, often referred to as the “godfather” of toxic masculinity, is a direct reflection of this void. McKane points out that Tate himself was raised with a father who, though physically present, was emotionally unavailable. Tate’s father, Emory Tate, a man diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, was a part-time figure in Andrew’s life, seeing him only once a year after his parents’ divorce. Andrew Tate has admitted to growing up without a consistent father figure, and his attitude toward women and masculinity was likely shaped by that absence.
Similarly, Harrison Sullivan—another prominent figure in the manosphere—was raised largely without his father. His father, Victor Ubogu, a former England rugby star, had little involvement in his upbringing after he divorced Harrison’s mother. This absence, coupled with Harrison’s rise to fame online, continues the cycle of fatherlessness, with Harrison propagating the same toxic ideals.
But McKane’s analysis doesn’t end with these infamous figures. She looks at Justin Waller, another key figure in the manosphere, whose upbringing was steeped in violence and abandonment. Raised in a trailer park with a mother who would physically abuse his father, Justin’s life mirrors the patterns of emotional deprivation that so many young men experience today. As a result, he now promotes an aggressive, misogynistic agenda, preaching to young men about how to be “alpha males” in one-way relationships.
For McKane, this is the terrifying reality: fatherless boys grow up without a proper masculine role model and are vulnerable to influences that perpetuate misogyny, domination, and violence. These figures—Andrew Tate, Harrison Sullivan, and Justin Waller—are not anomalies. They are the product of broken homes, toxic masculinity, and a growing manosphere that encourages them to dominate, control, and degrade women. It is a tragic cycle that continues to spread, as each new generation of fatherless boys turns to these dangerous ideologies for guidance.
McKane’s argument is clear: we are living in a world where the absence of fathers is not just an individual issue but a societal one. The impact of fatherlessness is far-reaching, and its consequences are intergenerational. As these boys grow into men, their unresolved trauma continues to shape their relationships with women, perpetuating a culture of toxic masculinity.
The rise of the manosphere is not just an internet trend; it is the symptom of a much larger crisis—a crisis of absent fathers and unresolved emotional trauma that is now being passed down to the next generation. McKane’s work serves as a wake-up call: we can no longer ignore the consequences of fatherlessness and the impact it has on our children, especially our sons. Only by addressing this issue head-on can we hope to break the cycle.
